Filling My Cup

Hoarding; Cash v. Debit Card

When I leave my mom's house after a visit, she always makes sure I have some extras to bring with me. Stuff and food. Before I left the last time, she gave me a selection of granola bars. There were a bunch of the "regular" kind, and a small number of the quasi-candy peanut butter variety. (Yum! Loving peanut butter products lately, even if I can't digest them well.) When I came home I put them in the kitchen cupboard and brought one with me every day to work. Some day last week, I noticed that there seemed to be a few less than the one-a-day would account for, and the last peanut butter one was gone. "No biggie", I thought, "E (roommate and good friend) must have grabbed a couple. Too bad she took the last peanut butter one." I really didn't think much of it.

So yesterday, I was in E's room with her helping her pack for her big upcoming trip, and she went into her bathroom to get something and opened the medicine cabinet. Sitting on the shelf - two of the granola bars (including the coveted peanut butter one). Granola bars in the bathroom?

She's hoarding food. I already knew that she was a food hoarder, in the sense that she never throws anything out in the kitchen, ever. But the granola bars in the bathroom cupboard - that's weird. The granola bars were originally in the kitchen, they would have stayed there until they were eaten by someone. Also, and this is a minor point, they were my granola bars. It doesn't seem right to take someone else's food to stash it in your private cabinet ... unless there's some hoarding impulse that's taken over.

I don't know if I should say something, and if so, what I would say. It might sound like I'm upset about the loss of a couple of granola bars, which I'm not.

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PF bloggers and blog readers often debate the merits of cash and debit cards, and which one is better for budgeting. I've decided that I'm on the "cash" side for myself. I've gone over budget the past few weeks on Starbucks trips because I didn't have cash handy. I should make it clear, I am one of those folks that knows exactly how much is in her checking account at any time, so it's not a question of not knowing how much I have available. But I started to overspend a little one day, used the debit card, then thought "well, might as well since I did yesterday ..."

For pocket-money style purchases, cash is the way to go for me. I'm less permissive with myself, and also less guilty feeling.

Hair Watch 2008

The hair color came out too bright. Although it was within a natural shade range, it had a firm touch of unnaturalness (is that a word?) that I disliked. Also, we kind of screwed up and left it on a wee bit too long, so the roots came out brighter than the ends. I wanted to correct it immediately, but I knew that at that point there was a strong potential for damaging my hair. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200 – go straight to the hair professional. Result – beautiful, perfect, natural-but-enhanced. I’m very pleased with the result now. I am wary of remaining on the hair-dye train, though. Besides the obvious expense of it, it’s a hassle to maintain. I have a low tolerance for visible roots.

$13 for a new head

I dyed my hair last night. It's hard to say what I think of it just yet. I had been thinking of dying my hair to get rid of some of the gray, then the thoughts went to "well, I could just punch up the colour a bit", and the results are definitely punched. Or just punch. The colour came out a lot more red than I expected it and it's just very different altogether. One good thing about my hair is that I can abuse it, and it will be fine -- so if I find in the next couple of days that this colour just does not suit, I'll dye it again.

At this moment I'm not really concerned about the cost. $13 is cheap, cheap, cheap for a woman's hair.

Blog Filler

I bought The Economist to read at lunch today. I'm still on the fence about subscription renewal - and I can sit on the fence a long time. It was good to have solid news to read, though.

I need to retool my savings goal and spending forecasts. I definitely need to purchase some more business-appropriate clothing. At the very least, I need a new cardigan sooner rather than later. I am not sure how much to budget overall for clothing for the year. In other spending news, I will need some things for my room at the other house -- some sort of substantial window covering, a lamp, and a bathmat.

I plan on paying the hospital bill (mentioned in an earlier post) by pulling a bit out of savings. I probably wouldn't have had to, but I recently purchased a present (handbound leather journal) for my friend who is graduating with an MBA degree this month.  I hope she likes it! I am not one for presents -- I don't give or receive many throughout the year -- but it's a milestone in her life.

I broke down in tears this evening while washing out a bowl. I can't even remember the exact thought that pushed it out - I was thinking about therapy, or about what it would be like if I went to therapy, and how I would have to sit there and tell some stranger about how much I hate myself.

I bought a card for my ex this afternoon. What would have been our fourth wedding anniversary is coming up. I feel weird, like I should mark the occasion, especially since our divorce has not been finalized by the judge, and because we still talk. We spoke this weekend. Most unfortunately, the talk turned to money - he apparently has turned it all around. He's paying off his debt, he got a big raise at work, looking forward to a substantial bonus this year, wants to buy a house. Good for him. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, because I know he still resents me for not wanting to support him through grad school on a minimum wage job. The bitterness also comes from the knowledge that he did not want to make things better (more stable and solid and less stress) while I was around. I know I'm not good enough. The kind of girl he should have married would have had school paid for her parents, some handouts for a car and the like, and would have landed a high-paying job immediately after the move to that horrible place. That girl wouldn't have been jealous.

I'm not sure that I really believe that he's turned it all around. While we were together, he went through two "2 Year" plans to pay off his credit card debt. But I'm not sure that it matters for someone like him -- his family bailed him out by finding him a well-paying and interesting job in a new field for him and gave him a car. The new employer is paying for him to a second master's degree, in the new field, so he'll really be able to move forward in it. He's going to do just fine, no matter what he does about the debt.

I, Consumer

I went to the grocery store this morning - yes, I bought tuna. Tuna seems to come in a lot more varieties and packaging than it used to.

The store didn't have the current issue of The Economist on sale. Bother. I've been hemming and hawing lately about renewing my subscription. I've been reading the Economist, off and on, for over ten years now. (I sometimes wish someone had said to me, "You're 19? And you like to read the Economist? Maybe you should study finance in addition to languages.") It's my favorite English-language news read. It's a pricey magazine, though, and it's the type that makes you feel guilty if you don't get to it within the week. I let my subscription lapse in June, right before my accounting class began, so I haven't missed it too much recently. But then Russia had to go invade Georgia ... and .... yeah. I think I'll buy this week's issue at a newsstand, and then after the move (October) I'll consider renewing it.

Rachel (awesome knit/writing blogger) recently blogged about the latest tech toy, Amazon's Kindle. She mentioned how it easy it to prop it up and read while knitting -- that's a plus. Seems like a good idea for a knitter who likes to read but hates clutter. (Me.) But, whoa, I finally took a look at it on Amazon -- I didn't realize it was that expensive! $359. I definitely wouldn't get one until they dropped way way way down in price.

Statement of Hospital Services

I owe the hospital ... $103.83. I will check that figure against the documentation from my insurance company before I pay it, but it's not that bad given the amount of medical care I received over four months ago. The question to answer - do I pay for it out of savings, or do I squeeze it out of the budget elsewhere? If I squeeze it out elsewhere, I will likely need to pay it over the next two months. If I pay for it out of savings, that's $103.83 less in my savings.

In other news, my accounting class is finished, and now I don't have anything to do with myself this weekend. (Besides the usual laundry, groceries, and maybe a run in the park.) I have sort-of plans to meet up with future roomie A.

And yet in more news, I ate a "mediterranean" tuna sandwich this evening for dinner. (Hot weather, low groceries due to cold, homework, exam and lack of planning - lazy person me bought the sandwich from the bakery.) It was pretty good. I think I will purchase some of my own tuna and try to recreate it -- it was a lot better than a gooey mayo tuna sandwich.

Thinking It Through

I've been fretting over the education issue recently. I currently work as a legal secretary/assistant. It's not my dream in life, especially at Year 30. The pay is fine -- I would not be able to purchase a studio condo here in HCOL City, USA -- but since my expenses are low, I am fine for now. The thing is, I don't want my expenses to be so very low. I’d love to have children, and a home with a garden. I’d like to own a vehicle so that I could explore the rural areas of this region, and visit my folks more often and on a reasonable schedule.

There’s no way to “move up” in my field without becoming a lawyer. (If there’s anyone reading this who is thinking “Why not become a paralegal?” It’s the same problem and not nearly as much money as you think it is, plus the glut of law school graduates means that more lawyers are going after paralegal jobs.) I don’t think the attorney path is for me. Law school is breathtakingly expensive and there are no guarantees.

However, I do enjoy numbers and finance very much. The idea of a career in accounting or corporate finance had been knocking about in the back of my head for almost four years now. My educational background is in linguistics, philosophy, and a bit of mathematics. I stopped pursuing a linguistics degree because I was barely treading water financially. I switched back to working full time in order to pay off a big stack of student loan bills. This post is becoming autobiographical, when what I want to do this afternoon is create a list of pros and cons on continuing the path toward an accounting degree (with an eye on passing the CPA exam).

 

Pro: 1. An accounting degree would earn me more money in the long run. 2. An accounting career would let me become an expert at something, and eventually I would move on from a subordinate role. (If I’m good enough, that is.) 3. I know that I’d enjoy it more than my current career path. 4. I don’t have anything better to do with my spare time.

Cons: 1. There might be significant troubles in finishing the degree around a full-time job. The universities in my area offer classes on a limited basis. It could drag out for another four years. 2. If the worst-case scenario of (1) happened, I’d feel like I wasted a lot of money. 3. Not sure if the cost of the degree would offset the expected earnings. 4. I’ve got a lot to pay for now – I need to rebuild savings and get on a solid footing financially – going back to school would take away from that. 5. “I don’t have anything better to do with my spare time.” – ugh!

 

Looking at that quick and dirty list, I think the pro side outweighs the cons. I don’t want to waste money (which is why I won’t finish the linguistics degree), but it’s clear I am not happy with the path that I am on, and I am not even happy with the compensation levels of the path I am on.  

Hydrangeas

Lest one think it's all depression, all the time around here ... wait, maybe it is. But let me document something nice. I went outside just now and snipped some hydrangea blooms, arranged them in a glass, set the glass on the living room table. They are pretty.

Random Saturday Thoughts

I just got up from a nap on the couch. Both of the upstairs roommates are away and the living room is clean, so I was able to indulge, undisturbed. (Until downstairs roommate came upstairs to use our bathroom.) I am heating a little Stouffer's frozen pizza in the toaster oven. I'm sure little frozen pizzas are a gross violation of any PF blogger's frugality or health guidelines, but it's hard for me to do better. I ate a piece of chocolate. Still not right. Somewhere in the past couple of years, I lost my taste for chocolate. Every so often I get the urge, so I get some chocolate, but it just never tastes that good. I remember the feeling of chocolate tasting good.

Weekend is earmarked for homework. Homework and final exam due Monday, the last homework due on Wednesday. I am poor at finishing things during the week, after work, so better just to motor through all of it now and get it done. I started this morning but I felt very tired and had a hard time concentrating. Took the nap.

While I laid on the couch it occurred to me that perhaps it's not worth it to take the next course in the Accounting sequence. The big problem for me is, I don't know how I'll finish an accounting degree. There are no night programs at any of the four-year universities in the state. I can't give up having a full-time job. (That's essentially the First Rule for me now -- don't ever give up a full-time job.) I took the course this summer because I thought, baby steps, baby steps, don't sweat over how you'll finish it if you have a year or so of classes you can take at the community college level. But now I wonder, is it worth it to spend $4k in the next year, just to not be able to take it anywhere? The equivalent of an associate's degree in accounting is not going to get me a better job than what I currently have. This is frustrating.

On the other hand, it's not like I have anything better to do with my free time.

I have to figure out the answers to these questions:
1. How can I ever afford a home?
2. How can I ever afford a car?
3. How can I ever afford a pet?
4. Am I ever going to get what I really want, a family?

#4 I can't answer by myself.

#1-3 is all up to me.

I hate that I feel like a loser every day. I feel that way because I know my ex-husband resents me for not being able to support him financially through grad school -- and I hate that. But I hate myself for not being able to do it. My ex-MIL's cackle rings through my head, still, "Your job is to make money!"

My Basic Budget

I have lots of ideas for posts, but I am not in the habit of writing so I'll just have to force myself. Ideally I don't want this to be a shadow blog of others, but how better to start writing about my ideas in the form of a response to someone else? Trent wrote about his book indulgence in this recent post and has vowed to give up book buying for the next year. He asked his readers to stand alongside him and give up the "little weakness", the thing one can't help but buy habitually. What does it cost you, he asks?

It's a great idea. Can I follow it? Do I want to?

My monthly budget is in transition due to an upcoming move, but here's about where it's been the past few months:

Rent + utilities: $500
Food - etc: $250
Student loan payment: $140
Telephone: $60
Savings: $1200

I'm in great shape, no? "Food - etc" incorporates more than groceries. Health items, beauty items, and entertainment is included in that number. I realize that it's a pretty restrictive budget. But here's the thing ... I am in divorce-recovery. I am thirty years old, I blew what little tiny nest egg (<$10k) I had on trying to help my husband become a happier person (more on that in another post, I imagine), my debts are pretty minimal (<$8k in student loans), and I have a full-time job with benefits. However, I have very little to show for feeling like I've worked pretty hard the past five or six years. I do not own a home (I rent a room from a friend); I live in a HCOL city but work in relatively low-paid job; I do not own a car; I own a fairly small amount of household items (bed, 3 mugs, a teakettle, I have my "personal items" but ex has all the furniture, all the kitchen stuff, all his toys, and my beloved cat); despite the recent great rate of savings, my savings and retirement accounts are still small (<$6k); in spite of the student loans, I do not have a degree; essentially, I feel like a loser. Because I am.

The material weakness is there in the $250 allotment for "food - etc." It's Starbucks. There's one in my building. The kids that work there are really nice - I like to go in because they greet me by name, they remember the drinks I like. (Also, during the 2006-2007 life upheaval to make husband happy, I ended up working at a coffee place for minimum wage, so the hard work involved is fresh in my mind.) Do I need Starbucks? No -- most of the time I get tea, and the tea at Starbucks isn't that great. If I cut out Starbucks, would I be able to meet another savings/spending goal? Eh, I don't have anything I want to replace it with. I think I'm on track for savings for this year -- I don't think it's the "latte factor" that's preventing me from feeling safe, secure, and happy.

So I don't know ... I really don't know. I hate to spend money on dumb things, but at the same time I think if I cut out Starbucks that might push me over the edge from cheap to miserly. And I don't have much else going on in my life - do I want to be a miser to myself on top of it? But that's the sort of thinking that leads to those everyday indulgences that blow the budget and make the bigger goals so out of reach.