I just got up from a nap on the couch. Both of the upstairs roommates are away and the living room is clean, so I was able to indulge, undisturbed. (Until downstairs roommate came upstairs to use our bathroom.) I am heating a little Stouffer's frozen pizza in the toaster oven. I'm sure little frozen pizzas are a gross violation of any PF blogger's frugality or health guidelines, but it's hard for me to do better. I ate a piece of chocolate. Still not right. Somewhere in the past couple of years, I lost my taste for chocolate. Every so often I get the urge, so I get some chocolate, but it just never tastes that good. I remember the feeling of chocolate tasting good.
Weekend is earmarked for homework. Homework and final exam due Monday, the last homework due on Wednesday. I am poor at finishing things during the week, after work, so better just to motor through all of it now and get it done. I started this morning but I felt very tired and had a hard time concentrating. Took the nap.
While I laid on the couch it occurred to me that perhaps it's not worth it to take the next course in the Accounting sequence. The big problem for me is, I don't know how I'll finish an accounting degree. There are no night programs at any of the four-year universities in the state. I can't give up having a full-time job. (That's essentially the First Rule for me now -- don't ever give up a full-time job.) I took the course this summer because I thought, baby steps, baby steps, don't sweat over how you'll finish it if you have a year or so of classes you can take at the community college level. But now I wonder, is it worth it to spend $4k in the next year, just to not be able to take it anywhere? The equivalent of an associate's degree in accounting is not going to get me a better job than what I currently have. This is frustrating.
On the other hand, it's not like I have anything better to do with my free time.
I have to figure out the answers to these questions:
1. How can I ever afford a home?
2. How can I ever afford a car?
3. How can I ever afford a pet?
4. Am I ever going to get what I really want, a family?
#4 I can't answer by myself.
#1-3 is all up to me.
I hate that I feel like a loser every day. I feel that way because I know my ex-husband resents me for not being able to support him financially through grad school -- and I hate that. But I hate myself for not being able to do it. My ex-MIL's cackle rings through my head, still, "Your job is to make money!"
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